A friend went into labor today. Her waters broke at 4am and I was so exited for her and for myself. A new baby to play with!

I posted a while back how myself and my husband had decided that despite wanting a big family it would be best to concentrate on getting my wellbeing on track! Dealing with my mental health issues instead of thinking about having another baby.

But you see, I knew my friend bringing her baby into the world would have an impact on me and today when she went into labour, I had all those feels of not having a “real” birth. The feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had somehow missed out because I had a c section!

Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying having a c section is the easy way out.  I’m not judging anyone, this is just how I feel about my own birth story.

Today I cried. I cried that my friend had to go through another labour only to be wheeled to theatre for another c section. I cried with jealousy because she had gone into labour – something that I have never felt. I cried with relief that the baby was born. I cried because even though I said I want to concentrate on my wellbeing I still feel like I would like to try again!  I’m 36 my husband 47 in December we are not getting any younger. I feel like I’m just getting into the swing of things.

The sleepless nights, the crying, the green nappies and the projectile vomit are on my list of cons against another.

The instant love, the new baby smell, the watching a new little human develop, in a selfish way the attention you get when you’ve just had a baby! That. That’s why I’d want another.

My instagram feed is full of babies at the moment and it’s only adding to my broodiness.

When I meet this baby I’m going to be a mess. I just know I’ll be back thinking what a good idea it would be to try again!!

This post first Appeared on Meet Other Mums 

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