You are handed this little bundle or two of joy then sent home with no manual and no guidance to how to navigate this new role you find yourself in. If you are lucky its a breeze, your baby fits in with how you live, They sleep and you just know what to get done, how to get it done and when! But for the majority of us this little tiny bundle brings chaos, or even adds to the chaos that you have in your life already.
Being a mum, can be hard, If we haven’t had the role models ourself to show us the way,. If we dont have the support of our family or friends around us it can be really hard to to navigate parenthood and the motherhood load that being a parent brings with it.
The Chaos of the motherhood load can look different for each of us and our level of overwhelm can also be different from person to person.
What does the CHAOS of Motherhood load look like?
- Stuff – Too much stuff everywhere, stuff you need, stuff that well-meaning family buy for you, stuff you thought you would need because you saw someone else use it on instagram. The reality is bringing up humans does require a basic mount of”Stuff” however you really can get by with a minimal amount and when we have systems in place we can limit the amount of clutter that takes over our house.
- Mess – While the Stuff can cause a lot of the mess around our home and decluttering can help reduce this sometimes day to day messes feel separate to our stuff. Mess could be the mess left around the sink while the kids brush their teeth, it could be rubbish strewn across the landing because there is no rubbish bin upstairs. Mess again is something that each person will have a different threshold for from house to house and from person to person within the same family.
- Schedules– When those babies turn into school aged kids days can start getting filled with after school clubs, spirts clubs, scouts, play dates, homework, etc. Before you know it every evening is full and you end up overbooking and ending up overwhelmed with the chaos of getting one child to one thing and another child to another right at the other end of the town.
- Too Many Chores – The never ending laundry pile, keeping the kitchen clean each day, washing bedding, cleaning the skirting boards, washing the windows, this area of the motherhood load can break even the calmest of parents. You can often feel like no matter how hard you try there is never an end to it!
- Finances– When you bring another human into your world they do come with their own set of bills and outgoings. from food, to nappies, to clothes, childcare, entertainment costs – crafts, soft play and then looking to the future uni fees, first car, the list just goes on. If you are already struggling with finances it can get really chaotic when you add extra mouths to feed.
- Relationships – Ok You decide to have a baby together but each of you have your own expectations, sometimes if you are the main care giver you can feel resentful that your partner doesn’t seem to have the same amount of responsibilities. Your non mu friends can lose touch because they just dont get why you are too busy for them or too tired. Your in laws, parents etc can get too involved or not involved enough and this can feel a little overwhelming.
So as you can see as a parent there are lots of areas where the chaos can build and you can soon feel like youre chasing your tail. When you let overwhelm in it can lead to burnout which brings its own set of problems.
Ok So what is the cost?
Again for each family, for each individual the cost of letting the chaos of motherhood overwhelm you is different. We need to start embracing the imperfect days, taking control of the chaos.
- Burnout – Ive mentioned burnout earlier but constantly trying to get everything done can lead to burnout. Burnout can look like, anxiety attacks, loss of pleasure in hobbies, Feeling overly tired all of the time, constant negativity, lack of basic self care, headaches, digestive issues,
- Relationship Breakdown – In some cases, being in the constant loop of overwhelm and being controlled by chaos can lead to breakdown in communication, a breakdown in relationships. friends, family, colleagues, you can feel resentful and end up getting into fights over who has it worse.
- Mental Illness – I’ve mentioned Burnout, However letting the chaos take over can lead to depression, anxiety and a host of other mental illness which in time if left really can be life limiting and threatening.
- Finances – When Overwhelm takes over it easy to get into poor spending habits. Not knowing what you have in the cupboards for instance can lead into buying twice, being late with birthday gifts can mean you end up paying more on next day delivery. You can end up missing bill paying deadlines when you get overwhelmed in motherhood Because days run away with you.
Ok so now you know the cost of staying within the overwhelming chaos of motherhood but how can you start embracing the chaos? How can you take control of this role you now find yourself in. The role of the CEO of your home.
The Chaotic motherhood Tribe is a great place to start. A place for parents to come together to know you are not alone.
In addition to joining the community, in the signature course from The Life imperfectly Academy “Intentionally Imperfect Home” I will hold your hand and guide you through the tools and strategies that have helped me from feeling controlled by the chaos to being in control of the chaos!
The Intentionally Imperfect home runs twice a year and is ideal for anyone who is snuggling to see where to start in tackling the motherhood load.
If you would like to know more about this and other programs or the Chaotic Motherhood Tribe head to ninaaspencer.com/links to find out more!
Take Care Friend
Remember Embrace the imperfect Chaos!
Nina xx
