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Simplified Mum Life

Nina A Spencer – Motherhood Mentor – Simplifying the every day for busy overwhelmed mums -Mum Of Twins Twice! Placenta Accreta Survivor, Mental Health Champion, On my own simple living Journey filled with adventure and travel . Embracing The Imperfectly, Chaotic moments of motherhood.
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Teapot Of Wellbeing

I am such a tea’a’holic and as such I love a tea analogy for that I won’t be apologising. I mean I love coffee too but I am more into tea! So what is the Teapot of wellbeing? Well, read on to find out.

Tea Ceremony – Japanology and me!

It has become apparent in the last couple of years or so that I have formed a little obsession with Japanese concepts. Wabi-Sabi being one of them, ikigai being another, There are many many cultures and concepts that my life falls into and many activities I had practiced without realising it was related to the Japanese way! One ancient Japanese culture is their tea ceremony. Tea Time is a serious activity in Japan and Taking time out to really mindfully prepare the tea and then savour the tea with friends is thought to represent purity, tranquillity, harmony & respect. It really is an activity to boost wellbeing. So it makes sense to me that as part of my message I use the Teapot of wellbeing to show the importance of self-care.

TeaPot Of wellbeing

Throughout our life, we pour out so much of our energy into different areas of our life. We pour and pour until we have nothing left sometimes.

When I talk about energy I’m talking about moments of stress, anything that takes your emotions, your brainpower, things that shorten your tether!

In effect we pour into others mugs before we pour our own cuppa!

Think of the different areas of life you have!

  • Work
  • Kids
  • Grandparents
  • Neighbours
  • Owing a business

Each of these areas are zappers of our energy, there may be more or less depending on how you spend your days.

But think of these things as mugs that you are pouring into from your teapot of wellbeing.

We pour and pour throughout our days, our lives. If we continue pouring without topping up we end up in burnout, which can manifest in so many different ways! For me, it was a breakdown, which is now why I am so passionate about building this foundational stage of life!!

So have a little think about how you can top up your teapot of wellbeing, not just today but every day!

Nina x

If you want to build your toolbox of well-being more get in contact with me. My foundation self-led course Let’s get selfish is currently being updated but will be available soon. Join the wait list now!

Join Here

#StayHome Lockdown

Mummy’s Morning Moments

Regardless of whether we are at school or at home, my “Morning M&Ms or Mummy’s Morning Moments” are super important, Actually, no, vital to me having any ounce of tolerance to handle chaos bursts throughout the day.

Through my healing journey, motherhood, coming out of overwhelm and striving to live a simple life, I read A LOT! I read all manner of books and blogs, I listened to podcasts and watch vlogs and one consistent thing that came up was a morning routine! So My Mummy’s Morning Moments Was created. and I love it!

What Is In My Ideal Morning

Every time I write down what is in my ideal morning its always yoga and a cuppa in the quiet that makes the list. I also like to get outside for some sunshine and fresh air first thing.

Writing morning pages can be so good for my wellbeing too. Writing a little bit of a gratitude diary, some plans for the day, and a little bit of a journal to get thoughts and feelings out from the day before or any dreams that I may have had in the night.

To start with I create a mind map of the things that I want in my morning and what I want to get done.

My mornings start before the rest of the house wakes up usually. Sometimes though especially through the winter months I may have to stick on the tv and grab my morning moment while the kids are watching Netflix for a minute or two. The things on my mind map won’t all get done each day but writing them down to get an idea of what I like helps.

Infographic with different aspects of what makes a great morning for nina a spencer

But What About The Kids?

If the kids wake before I manage to sneak outside I will let them watch their tablets, or sit in my bed and watch tv. Sometimes they sneak outside and often that’s ok Now I am in my routine with my mornings I find I can zone in and out much easier.

I work backwards from What time we need to leave the house. The kids start getting up at about 7am. Remember this is not a hard fast schedule If I think they need that bit extra rest I will let them If it is feasible I just think our days are a lot smoother when we have a plan in place.

I find creating a bit of a mind map for what we need and want to get done before the school day really helps to remind us of what needs to be done.

The Rest Of The Day

To get the most out of our day Im going to start blocking our time out too. Once our Morning routines are over next comes schoolwork time.

Our day will hopefully look like this

  • Mums morning time – 1 hr
  • Family Morning Time 1hr
  • 8.30 School Run / Get out and about
  • Dinner – 4/5pm
  • Kids at clubs
  • Outdoor time
  • Bedtime Routine For Kids – 7pm
  • Grown ups down time! – 8.30pm
  • Bed no later than 10pm

This is how I worked out how to get the best out of my morning time and my whole day in fact!

How do your Mornings look? Do you have energy and resilience through the day when stresses hit or do you need to look at your mornings and see how you could improve them?

Nina x

If you fancy creating a morning routine that helps make your days better have a look at this

bucket list uk

How to have a simple Summer (Finding calm within the CHAOS)

The Summer is upon us (unless you are reading this in March or October or something and in that case take the advice I give and use it to the best you can for the season you are in) and this may fill you with anxiety. Having to entertain the kids 24 hours a day for 6 whole weeks. But life does not have to be like that, I want you to enjoy a summer of memory-making and fulfilment with your kids as much as they do. So here is how to have a simple Summer (finding calm in the CHAOS)

Finding Calm In The CHAOS

As a mum of twins Twice, I have more kids than hands and that often brings a lot of CHAOS! I used to dread those 6 long weeks of summer, How am I going to entertain them for all that time? What are we going to eat?, how will I afford to take them to the places their friends are going? OH god, The snacks. e.t.c.

I’m going to get straight to it as I know how busy you are and reading through a blog post to find the tips you need to find that calm, to find the simple.

How to have a simple Summer

Stay Simple. The bare bones of it is to have a simple summer make it simple! Yep, I know, Why are you making it overcomplicated?, Are the summer holidays really the best time to be adding new meals to your meal plan?

Calendar Cutting. Cut down the things you add into your calendar, You don’t need to fill every single day! Infact, you are going to cause more stress filling each day with activities as just as we get tired so do our kids.

Meal Plan While we don’t want to add new meals that you then have to source ingredients for and learn to cook making a meal plan for the whole summer can cut down the number of decisions we are having to make on a daily basis. We make around 35000 decisions a day! Creating a simple meal plan will cut this!

Could do List In years gone by We have created a summer bucket list but actually what this does is make you feel like you have failed if you don’t tick everything off. instead, write a could-do list that way it is not set in stone that you must do what you have on it. they are just there to give you ideas.

Stop the Scrolling While sometimes it’s nice to catch up with your favourite Instagrammers, its good to check in with friends online, and some of us will use our socials for running our business. But you really don’t need to be on there every moment of every day! Yep, Hard truth time. Stop the scroll, put down your phone and enjoy the summer with your kids. Not only will you cut the temptation of comparisonitis, and you will have more time to get stufff done!

Join Summer CHOAS Control The Challenge I am running my yearly challenge from Wednesday 6th July 2022. It’s a fun but highly practical challenge to help you cut the CHAOS and enjoy summer because those kids grow up fast right and we don’t want to miss any more time!

I cant wait to see you there!

Nina x

Health & Fitness

Anxiety, major events, what now?

There are some days that you just remember like yesterday.

I mean the news of lockdown pretty much was yesterday  

One is the morning that news broke of Diana’s death – my friend and I had been out the night before and stayed at another friends house overnight. We woke to the news. “Diana Princess of Wales has been killed in a horrific car accident.”

We were a little in shock were we still drunk. – no. Unfortunately, the news was true. Those boys left without a mother. They were only young. Just a little younger than myself.

The other is when the planes hit the twin towers of New York. – The trade centre towers. As usual, my mum and I had been arguing, I’m not sure what this was about but I ended up leaving in a bad mood and went to my aunts. When we arrived my uncle had the tv on with the news that shook the world. A plane has struck one of the towers. And right there in front of our eyes as the report broke another plane struck the other tower!

 

As a mum you worry about the fragility of life.

News like this once I’d had children would fuel  my anxiety and I’d end up worrying for days.

My husband used to travel  the world with his work and when he’s wasn’t  travelling he would be in London. Thankfully now since the pandemic his permanently working from home. We have four children together and I think when you become a mother you worry about the fragility of life More than Ever. 

Thank goodness now though I have a myriad of  tools and strategies in my wellbeing toolbox to get me through tough days.

So what do we do?

What do we do?

Sit in fear, frozen by panic, unable to live in the moment?

Ignore whats happening because its so far away?

No!

We acknowledge what is happening, stand beside our alias, we pray, we keep faith, we remember those lost, we carry on living.

Stay away from the news feeds, stay off social media, or only follow those that bring joy to you. we look for the helpers, because there is always helpers, we answer our children’s questions in an age appropriate way.
We send support where we can.

We allow emotions in but also let them back out.

What we don’t do is sit in fear!

Plan for life after the turmoil, have babies, cuddle our loved ones, play, laugh, cry.

Because Living in fear is not an option.

We take time to remember those affected by such tragic times we remember on anniversaries but we live the rest of the time. We can’t live in fear. We strive to be strong for those left behind. We help each other make a better world.

To those gone. Thankyou for the memories.

To those grieving. Tomorrow is a new day and you will get stronger.

To the rest of us. Smile, help, love, & be grateful.

Nina x

Mum Life

How to be the Perfect Mum – Top Ten Tips

Right before we go any further I just want to say There is no such thing as the perfect mum! Right Ive got that off my chest Ill explain later but first lets just take a moment to embrace the amazing mother you already are! You are here for a start right? You find yourself reading this you are struggling with something right now am I right? Well becuase you seeking ways to fix whatever is going on right now means that you are already AMAZING! So read on my friend to find 10 ways to be an amazing mum!

I want to be the perfect mum!

Ok so lets get that vision of perfect out of your head. What even is perfect? tidy house all the time? Always put together, always has time for the kids no matter what, fresh home made meals every night all sat around the table, limited screen time, drives the best car, never shouts, never has a bad word to say about anyone.

The list goes on! OMG! How boring would life be to tick every one of those boxes? To be Perfect? I would even argue that my idea of the perfect mum is different to yours, which is a different version of perfect to that of my husband, to that of the mum you already see as perfect’s vision of perfect.

Parents constantly seeking perfection actually harm their ability to parent! In fact “seeking perfection in parenting parents are less likely to parent effectively!”

This is taken from a study by Sarah Shoppe Sullivan

You are already amazing

I have already stated what an amazing job you are doing even if it does not feel like that right now. But you are just look. Look at the memories you have already shared, the dinners you have cooked, the night feeds you struggled with, the processes you went through to give you that job role of all job roles – mum!

What I would love you to do before you implement any of the tips here is to take a moment to ask your children (If they are old enough to answer.) why they think you are an awesome mummy. Now this question may need tweaking for children going through their own set of challenges so if you need extra support on this feel free to head into facebook or instagram and we can have a chat about where you could get some extra support from!

I asked my kids and they said things like “because you take us on holiday”, “Because you are silly”, “you give good snuggles”

Ok I’m an awesome mum but I still need a few ways to be even better!

One

Simplify, Simplify, Simplify

I kept banging on about “trying to live a simple life” yet It wasn’t until I sat down and looked around one day that i actually had achieved it! Ok my home isn’t minimalist, but I’ve cut down on the crap in life, our family schedule is lighter, the list of things I often used to worry about are shrunk, I dont buy as much stuff, But my my own standards I feel like life is a lot simpler now than it ever has been. Even with what often feels like a million kids!

Two

Top Up Your Teapot first!

Self care gets banded around A LOT! It is often talked about as bubble baths, walks in the sunshine, a quick brew and a sneaky bar of chocolate and while all that is fan bloody tastic Self care is more than that! Its about your whole wellbeing. Its about what you stuff in your face, what you do in your day to day, how you sleep, when you move everything. If you want to find out more about your teapot filling I have an amazing Self Care program that is self guided for you! Lets get Self(ish) is such a great program that will talk you through why its important to look after you first and how to implement self care into you busy #mumlife!

Three

Morning has broken

Yeh morning chaos has broken me more like! If you are scraping yourself out of bed with the noise of the kids after scrolling for the past hour and now you are stressed because you cant find shoes, the kids have poured cereal all over and you haven’t even had your first brew yet then something needs to change! I find getting up and out of bed before the rest of the house gives me a chance to create a little morning ritual where I then head into my day less stressed. My morning ritual includes a little bit of meditation, my morning brew, a moment outside to breathe in the first morning air, as well as getting a few chores ticked off and getting the breakfast ready for the kids coming downstairs.

Four

Praise the good

We often find ourselves trying to stop the unwanted behaviours dont we? Yet how often do you praise the good behaviours? Tell our kids how thankful we are for the things they do. How good it makes you feel when they play with their siblings, take turns, talk nicely to each other, remember their manners etc. Next time you find you have a quiet moment think about the good the kids have done tell them.

Five

Healthy Food For Life

I know how hard it is to get healthy foods inside our children but if we start leading by example and cutting out the not so great stuff then our children will learn and start to understand about the healthy relationship with food. Often our children reach for snack after snack after snack. I am not saying you can never have a chocolate bar in the house again but we have to teach them and ourselves that these things are not for consuming every day. We can make simple swaps for healthier snacks. There are some great resources out there to make meal times a little easier.

Six

Date time

Spending 20 mins a day one to one time with our children is so beneficial to our bond with them, to their emotional wellbeing, to their development when they are young and for teaching them how to play. When you have multiple children in a family, add to that household chores and work commitments etc it can be hard to fit in one to one time each day for everyone. Another option for this one to one time os to have a “date” with our children maybe you could commit to each child on different days, maybe one week you can take the teen out for coffee and a chat, maybe you can kick a ball about with your 8 year old, it could be that you have a spa day with one of your children. What ever it is that helps you both connect a little more on that one to one basis.

Seven

Shut Down The Tech

Everywhere I go there is someone buried in a screen, whether in the coffee shop, the tweens bedroom, walking down the street, even the school gates. I love tech, its given me so much. An amazing community, friends that get me and have my back, hope when I was going through my toughest of days. There is so many positives to tech but there is also a down side to it. It distracts us, it can make us feel depressed even. So we should take breaks from tech often. Especially when we are with our children. I know that they are fantastic for a bit of peace every now and again. I mean there is something to be said for minecraft & cbeebies. So give yourself a break every now and again!

Eight

Non Negotiable and house rules

If we have rules that we expect everyone to follow, then everyone needs to know the rules by making a list of house rules. House rules can be anything from your non negotiables list. It could be no screens at the dinner table or no shoes in the house, being kind to siblings and friends which you can mix in with things like have an adventure each week, kids pick Friday night movie and other fun things.

Nine

Mistakes are Ideal learning opportunities

Let those mistakes happen, we all make them its how we grow, how we learn, how we develop a new way. Our children learn the same way, as well as seeing how we deal with our own mistakes. When we admit our mistakes openly our children can see they are ok to make mistakes too. SO admit and accept that sometimes mistakes can happen.

Ten

Get the Help

There is no shame in asking for help! it doesn’t matter what you need the help with! Maybe you are thinking about getting a cleaner, or your mum irons for you. Maybe you are thinking of working with a coach or mentor to help you get on track with your business, your health, your home etc. It could be that you have felt ashamed of getting some help for your mental wellbeing. But if you need help you need help! There is absolutely no shame in asking for help.

So remember You already are an amazing mum and there is no such thing as perfect however these few tips will elevate your motherhood a little bit more if you want that.

Nina x

If you have found this helpful and want to go deeper into making your motherhood less stressful, less overwhelming and start celebrating and embracing the imperfectly chaotic moments of motherhood which is where I believe the best memories live Then why not pop over to the Chaotic Motherhood tribe over on facebook where we chat about all things motherhood and life in general. We have guest experts come in to give us ways to improve our motherhood.

The community is a great place to find connection with like minded mums, a place where you will not feel alone!

Where to next?