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Simplified Mum Life

Nina A Spencer – Motherhood Mentor – Simplifying the every day for busy overwhelmed mums -Mum Of Twins Twice! Placenta Accreta Survivor, Mental Health Champion, On my own simple living Journey filled with adventure and travel . Embracing The Imperfectly, Chaotic moments of motherhood.
Adventures uk

Create “That Home” where the kids want to come and hang out.

“Unlocking the Secret to Creating a Welcoming and Safe ‘Home‘ where the kids want to come and hang out”

Kids playing with balloons with the blog title creating that home

In my younger days, I loved the amazing adventures I shared with my best friend and her family. Our bond was so tight and our mothers were close friends too, making us virtually inseparable. We even spent holidays together, and I can still remember the times when my friend’s mum would pick me up from school, claiming we both had tummy aches, just so we could spend the day together. Sometimes, we’d even sneak away for impromptu seaside trips, a luxury that is often frowned on now.

Those adventures were nothing short of amazing. Then, during my teenage years, I found myself living with another friend’s family, a busy household with six kids, parents, and friends from nearby villages. It was a lively, full house, and I loved every moment of it. My friend’s mum, who remains as great as ever, welcomed me in. Although my stay there was relatively short, it marked one of the most memorable periods of my teen years. Even now, I consider her my adopted mum, a title she often uses when introducing me to others.

Both her house and the home of my first friend felt like ‘that home.’ You know the type—a place where all the kids can play freely and feel safe, where the rules exist but are mixed with a healthy dose of coolness. As I grew older, I found myself wondering if I could create ‘that home’ when I had kids of my own. I wondered about the secrets and steps needed to become the go-to house for my kid’s friends to adventure to.”

Becoming “that home” where your kid’s friends can play and feel safe, is a great goal to have. Creating a welcoming and nurturing environment for your own children and their friends is not only rewarding but also an important part of building a strong sense of community.

Firstly, I know what you are thinking, I could never become “that Home”, I am already overwhelmed with my own kids and the housework. But I have great news for you. Stick around to the end of this post and I will tell you a way to let go of that overwhelm so you can become “that mum” and have “that home”

Here are some simple steps to help you become “that home”:

  1. Open Communication: Building trust and rapport with the kids in your neighbourhood starts with open communication. Take the time to listen to them, ask about their interests, and genuinely care about their well-being. Let them know they can always talk to you. Like you
  2. Create a Welcoming Space: Ensure that your home is a comfortable and inviting place for children to visit. Having activities that are age-appropriate for a range of kids is essential.
  3. Boundaries: While being welcoming can be a good start, it’s also important to have some basic rules in place. I know my energy can drift from one day to the next especially if we have had a high energy zapping day the day before or if I need to get back on top of routine. Make sure your kids and the ones that visit know that sometimes we all need space and while you love having friends over today is not that day. They also need to know what is expected of them regarding behaviour, safety, and respect for your property. Enforce these rules consistently but with kindness.
  4. Safety First: Make sure the kids have age-appropriate supervision, they know how to navigate any potential hazards properly and that any unnecessary hazards are removed.
  5. Snacks and Refreshments: Snacks are essential to becoming “That Home” Again create boundaries regarding snacks you don’t want to be spending ££££s on snacks each day. Let your kids know they can always make sandwiches, hot dogs or other cheaper bulk-buy snacks cheaper than prepacked mini snacks.
  6. Include Everyone: Ensure that no child feels left out or excluded. Encourage inclusivity and teach your own children the importance of being kind and inclusive as well.
  7. Be a Positive Role Model: Kids often look up to adults in their lives. Be a positive role model by demonstrating kindness, respect, and good manners. Show them how to resolve conflicts peacefully.
  8. Support Learning and Creativity: Foster an environment that promotes learning and creativity. Provide access to books, art supplies, and educational games. Encourage their curiosity and help them with any educational work if needed.
  9. Activities: Plan fun activities or playdates for your kids and their friends. This can include themed parties, movie nights, or outdoor games. Building these positive memories will make your home a favourite destination.
  10. Build Relationships with Parents: Just like your friends’ parents did when you were younger, establish strong relationships with the parents of the children in your neighbourhood. This helps in building trust and ensures everyone is on the same page when it comes to safety and rules.

The Secret is keeping mum life simple

Becoming “that home” where kids feel safe, loved, and welcomed can take a little effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. You’ll not only create lasting memories for the children but also contribute to a sense of community and belonging in your kid’s community. Remember, it’s the small acts of kindness and genuine care that make all the difference.But if you are already overwhelmed with motherhood how can you still foster this goal?

  • First up create a rhythm to your home which means it doesn’t take a lot to rest after a full playdate.
  • Imagine Toys easily get tidied up, towels from the pool get washed, dried and put away, snacks being in stock etc. Wouldn’t that be great?
  • Rhythms can be a sticking point if you fear routine and schedule but they really can help the flow of your home.
  • Make sure you have time for yourself. Topping up our teapot of wellbeing is an essential part of my simpler mum life. If we don’t top up our own mental well-being we simply can’t look after anyone else. Not without reaching burnout anyway.
  • Boundaries I said this previously but stating your boundaries is important for creating a calm place for the kids and friends to hang out. If you have worked nights the day before, if you have been on a big day out, or are feeling sick added pressure of other people’s kids is not going to help your energy levels and may push you over the edge. So tell your kids your boundaries and stick to them. If it’s the summer schedule “drop-in days and non-negotiable quiet days.

For more help on rhythms, time management, boundaries and more why not head over to Simplified Mum Life- My membership for busy mums like you who want that extra support from a mum who has been there, in burnout, close to burnout, and come through with the skills and strategies to help myself and others live a simpler life

Join here for free for 14 days

Always here to guide you to a simpler mum life

Nina x

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Mum Life

Try On The Dress already!

No, I don’t mean the wedding dress unless that’s what you feel like. Trying on the dress is a metaphor after I tried on a friend’s dress for a fancy book ball. A dress I would never normally go for. Something pink and poofy not at all me, or so I thought. A little like my life right now actually. Try on the dress already!

Years ago, I’m talking teenage years, my older cousins all having babies My nan said you’ll be next! Not me, I don’t want kids I thought. Now, look two sets of twins and a stepson! Or looking back to me being a new mum of those first set of twins, I never thought I would be friends with best-selling authors, mentors and change-makers of the world let alone be one! Yet here I am! Because I tried on that dress! I put one foot in front of the other tried that life I really wanted to live and moved forward.

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

Henry Ford

Staying where you are comfortable in those mum leggings is great for a while. Until you realise you don’t get to live your very best life. Don’t get me wrong mum leggings have their place But you are not going to hit your dreams wearing them.

So step out of your own closet, and try on something you never thought you could. I sometimes think about all the opportunities I’ve missed out on due to lacking confidence, due to wanting to stay comfortable.

What is that big dream you had as a child? What is that thing you loved as a child more than anything in the world as it made you feel free, but now you dont try it because “its not what grown ups do”?

Go try on that dress!

I’d love to know what you are going to try on for size. Either comment below or come and connect with me on Instagram.

Nina x

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Health & Fitness uk

For The Mum Having More Bad Days Than Good

Everyone has a bad day from time to time but when you feel you are having more bad days than good you can feel like you are a constant hamster wheel trying to get off and everyone is looking in. Well thats how I used to feel anyway. I would wish that i could live more simply if thats a thing. When my big twins were in their first year or so I would wake up day after day dreading the day ahead, three of us crying and not knowing who to console first. Feeling constantly drowned by the washing piles, feeling like If I didn’t have it all together like everyone else (thats I had seen on youtube or instagram) then the babies that I’d waited so long for would be taken away. Now I do still have moments that feel hard days that feel bad but I now know not to stay stuck there I now have a toolbox of well-being that I have filled over the past 15 years that I can dip into when I need it. So for the Mum having more bad days than good this is for you. Some of the ways I have found that flip the lights back on on darker days.

For The Mum Having More Bad Days Than Good

Just so you know, you are still an awesome mum even on your bad days

Let yourself feel that bad day

Sometimes we need those bad days to appreciate the better ones. So call in sick, grab some chocolate, make a brew, stick some Netflix on and snuggle into a duvet day. Just don’t stay there too long.

There is no such thing as perfect

If you are on a constant strive for perfection, to be the perfect mum it can cause you to feel less than you are worth. Know that there is no such thing as perfect. There is the best version of ourselves but that perfect mum does not exist. You may feel like you see perfect on social media when you are scrolling first thing in the morning or while you are procrastinating from cooking dinner. But honestly, those perfect lives you see are only snippets of their lives they are not the full picture. I guarantee you they have scooped some crap out of the way to take that insta moment.

Cry It Out Mama

There is no shame in sticking on a weepy film and crying that Sh*t out. Crying releases so much tension. It shows our kids that emotions are allowed so when they feel like they are having a bad day they can cry it out too. If you don’t want to cry in front of the family you can always head off for an early bath or shower. I find there is nothing better than a cry in the shower when I’m having a low moment.

Run Away

Ok, we are not really going to run away although I have packed a bag before with two pairs of pants and a chocolate bar. I mean that is all you really need isn’t it? But take off for the day, send the kids to school, ask granny to take them for a while, leave them with their dad or send them on a play date. head to the spa, the beach, the library or a coffee shop and just let yourself be. Take away that mum guilt right now. there is no room for that here. – Mum guilt just robs us of experiences. You are not doing anything wrong in fact taking some time for you is super important. Topping up that teapot is like resetting your hearts on a computer game, You have to do it to keep you in the game. Remember that next time that pesky mum guilt strolls in.

In the Words of Elsa let it go, let it go.

Get out that journal, a piece of paper, or your notepad and let everything flow out onto the paper. Burn it if you don’t want others to see it, keep it to look back on at a later date or if you have some to-dos from this outpouring organise them with actions points and dates / times you can get them done you could even delegate some of the tasks to others. But let that pen and paper flow. If you are feeling brave you could blog it out too. Thats where I started many moons ago. Through the infertility years I would blog on those long sleepless nights It was cathartic and knowing my words could help others felt like I was doing something good with m pain.

Flip that mood with something fun

Turn up the Alexa, and ask her to put on a 90s dance playlist or something that would make you get up on a dance floor and get that kitchen disco started. Get outside and do some jumping on the kid’s trampoline, take the kids to the park and go on the swings or zip wire too, Or find something else that is fun to do. Let me know what you get up to.

Mindset Shift

This is hard to start with but the more you practice the easier it gets and over time it will become the default. I am a recovering pessimist as such I would lay in pity over the life I had been given, and the hardships I’d face. Yes, motherhood is hard but we always default to I’ve got to … do the washing, cook the dinner, figure everything out. If we start saying more positive phrases like “I get to feed the kids that I always wanted” instead it helps our brain feel grateful instead of overwhelmed. Try this one ” bad things always happen to me” Instead we say “I am a much stronger and resilient person from the adventures I’ve been through” ” every bad day, moments, hiccup is a learning opportunity to help me when I really need it most! Try it yourself. practice with the little negative thoughts and work up to the bigger ones.

Its not too late to say sorry

Own up, tell the people that matter that you are having a bad day. Say sorry if you are snappy or not very fun that day. Taking ownership of our bad day and apologising helps others do the same. It shows them that even mummy the best mummy in the world for your children has bad days and has to say sorry.

Bad days will come and go. Over time my hope for you is that they hold less power and you are able to see that there are more good days than bad moments.

Take care lovely,

Remember those kids love you no matter what!

Nina x

This blog post may contain affiliate links that help subsidise the blog.

If you would like to help support the blog I’d love you to buy me a coffee.

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The information in my blog posts are to be used with your own research. I do not guarantee this will change your life with any of the information I give you alone. To do this you have to put in the work too. I mentor with tools that have helped me and my family and share these tools to hopefully offer you the reader or client ways of helping you along your motherhood journey. Sometimes within a blog post, there may be links to products with an affiliate nature - I will only link to an item that truly fit with my ethos and my family
Food

Meal Planning for busy mums – How to get the most out of it.

Kids in clubs most days, so much on your daily to-do list and everyone wants dinner. Life can sure get busy with more kids than hands can’t it? That busy season can make meal times super stressful. Trying to get one kid to Karate, one to ballet and one in an after-school club that’s a lot of juggling on top of trying to make sure everyone gets a meal down them in-between. Meal planning can really help with cutting some of the chaos out of the hangry hours. Read on for Meal planning for busy mums – How to get the most out of it!

Meal planning for busy mums

When you have mouths to feed in between the juggle of after-school activities a meal plan can take the stress off meal times. Back in the day when I started blogging, I would join in with “Meal Plan Mondays” this was fantastic accountability. Sitting down to think about what I would cook for the week ahead. Then our whirlwind Christmas Twins arrived and it was so hard to think that far in advance. Meal planning slipped, as well as a lot of other stuff and we ate adhock meals, turning to junk food, “ping meals” or ready meals as normal people might call them. and take outs. This not only costs so much more, its not healthy way to eat and its super stressful standing in the shop thinking about what to make for dinner each and every day.

Meal Planning simplified

Meal planning now for me is done a month in advance. Now before you take a huge intake of breath, hear me out. We have theme days each week which alleviates the stress that comes along with planning for a whole month. Along with theme days I always hold on to the fact that plans can change. A mentor of mine (Dani Wallace _ The queen bee ) talks about “structures from which to deviate”. If you read any of my other posts you will see that this is a huge game changer. Life often has hiccups that knock us off course. I digress – Thats for another post.

Meal planning – How to get the most out of it!

Before we dive into planning, Is a month-long plan just too much right now? Just plan for the week, or plan a few meals in advance.

  • First up you need a plan of action. What events are happening in the month/ week? Make sure you have these written on a calendar.
  • Print off a calendar page for the month you are planning for or a 4-weekly planner page. Or if you are planning just for a week you could use a notepad if that’s easier.
  • Set your theme days – We have Pizza Fridays, which can be takeout, shop-bought, or we make our own from scratch. Thursdays are fish nights, this could be salmon & potatoes, take out from the chippy, or good old fish fingers. Mondays are pasta nights ….. you get the gist. Have a look at what your family dinner habits are already and create theme nights around what you already eat.
  • Then its time to fill in the blanks – talk to your family, ask the kids what they would like for dinner, get them to help out on the days they choose the dinner.
  • Don’t over complicate. If you know you have after school activities and kids eating at different times dont plan a sit down meal where you cant really heat up for one. Save the new complicated recipes for when you feel less overwhelmed.
  • One last one – If you are already in a busy season this is not the time to be trialling new foods with the kids, trying to get the to eat all the veggies if they don’t like them. It’s a time to offer veg as a side but not stress over them not eating. (There is a great interview about this with children’s nutritionist over in the group)

As with any structures you put in place keeping consistent is the key. Make meal planning and checking your meal plans weekly and daily part of your habits and don’t be afraid if the current way of doing something isn’t working anymore allow yourself some time to look at why and change to suit the season you are in right now.

I really hope this helps you with what tends to be one of the most stressful areas of motherhood. Getting those kids fed!

I’m proud of you mama, You have got this you know, but remember you don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here if you need me.

Nina x

For more help getting to grips with meal planning, I have created a workbook for you to download. Head to the resources page.

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The information in my blog posts are to be used with your own research. I do not guarantee this will change your life with any of the information I give you alone. To do this you have to put in the work too. I mentor with tools that have helped me and my family and share these tools to hopefully offer you the reader or client ways of helping you along your motherhood journey. Sometimes within blog post, there may be links to products with an affiliate nature - I will only link to item that truly fit my with my ethos and my familys
Health & Fitness

5 Weekend Wellness Tips

Ahhh It’s Friday. Those chaotic school mornings are over for a couple of days, work stress is gone until Monday morning and it’s time to chill with the family again. Though you sit down on Friday Night with your chilled glass of pinot and your dominos pizza and see them. Those chores you have skimped on all week because it’s just been too hectic with karate runs, scout, ballet and football practice and that bit of work you brought home from the office because you just didn’t have time in the week. Before you get bogged down with those tasks take a moment or three to de-stress, top up your wellness and let go of the past week. Here are 5 Weekend wellness tips to help you find calm among the chaos this weekend.

5 Weekend Wellness Tips

Wellness can be achieved in many ways but de-stressing your system after a hectic week is a great way to start.

1. Morning Moments

Take a moment before the rest of the house wake to just be you, I love my morning moments every day but especially on the weekends when I know the kids are home. Your morning moments can be time to sip your coffee in peace. It could be getting started with meditation, journaling or simple yoga practice. But taking the time to ease into your day I have found so beneficial to the rest of my day.

2. Smoothies for all

my kids love a smoothie and it’s a great way to get extra fruit and veg into them and me. There is a whole encyclopedia of recipes online that are nutritious and delicious for you and the kids. Get that goodness in by adding green leaves such as spinach, with flax seeds, and greek yoghurt then add fruit to your taste and there you have it. some goodness in before the day has truly began.

3. Get Outside

Getting outside during sunlight hours isn’t just beneficial its a necessity. We need sunlight to boost our mood, and give us vitamin D and at this time of year (Winter) its super important as we don’t get much during the day. It doesn’t have to be complicated day out at the beach to enjoy the benefits of being outdoors It could be a walk to the park, taking the dog to the woods for a run, kicking a ball around the garden or just taking a walk around the block. But getting outside especially earlier in the day is a great wellbeing boost.

4. Declutter

Clutter can be a huge source of stress and the more stuff we have the more jobs it creates for us. More clothes mean more to put away. More toys mean more strewn across the floor, and more ornaments mean more to move before you can clean a surface. etc. Having a good declutter can improve our mode, give us a sense of accomplishment and mean we have more time in our days to do other things that light us up.

5. Family Digital Detox

Our devices nowadays are attached to us most of the day. From being on the beck and call of family members to scrolling news and social media just to find the latest gossip. While I am a huge advocate for social media and online life I also know that being attached a lot of our days is a huge cause of stress. So setting out a day or if that’s too hard a few hours to consciously put down tech can be a huge benefit to our stress levels, our relationships ( as we can then be more present) and our wellbeing.

Sometimes our weekends have gone in the blink of an eye but the stress of last week and all the chores we think we need to do is still on top of us. We don’t give ourselves time to relax and recoup. so we take it in to the next week which then get piled higher before you know it we are heading to burnout.

Take some time this weekend to follow one or two of these tips and see what difference it makes to the week ahead. Let me know if it helps.

If you are struggling with getting it all done I can help. as a mum to two sets of twins who had the mother of all breakdowns when I just had one set I know how to come back from the brink of crisis mode. I am an expert in productivity, logistics and planning. If you wan to know more about how I could help find me over on Instagram most days Send me a DM and ill get back to you Alternatively you can book in for a power hour with me and we can go through as much stuff as we can to help get you back on the right track. More info here

A bonus tip from me is to use Sundays to reset and prep for the week ahead. I love my Sunday prep days. Getting my plans for the week ahead on paper in my planner. working out what I need for meals that week. Sorting out uniforms and clothing and anything else that may need to get done for the following week. It’s a great way to end the week and it has certainly limited the Chaos of the school weeks following.

Love ya x

Nina

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