Everyone has a bad day from time to time but when you feel you are having more bad days than good you can feel like you are a constant hamster wheel trying to get off and everyone is looking in. Well thats how I used to feel anyway. I would wish that i could live more simply if thats a thing. When my big twins were in their first year or so I would wake up day after day dreading the day ahead, three of us crying and not knowing who to console first. Feeling constantly drowned by the washing piles, feeling like If I didn’t have it all together like everyone else (thats I had seen on youtube or instagram) then the babies that I’d waited so long for would be taken away. Now I do still have moments that feel hard days that feel bad but I now know not to stay stuck there I now have a toolbox of well-being that I have filled over the past 15 years that I can dip into when I need it. So for the Mum having more bad days than good this is for you. Some of the ways I have found that flip the lights back on on darker days.
For The Mum Having More Bad Days Than Good
Just so you know, you are still an awesome mum even on your bad days
Let yourself feel that bad day
Sometimes we need those bad days to appreciate the better ones. So call in sick, grab some chocolate, make a brew, stick some Netflix on and snuggle into a duvet day. Just don’t stay there too long.
There is no such thing as perfect
If you are on a constant strive for perfection, to be the perfect mum it can cause you to feel less than you are worth. Know that there is no such thing as perfect. There is the best version of ourselves but that perfect mum does not exist. You may feel like you see perfect on social media when you are scrolling first thing in the morning or while you are procrastinating from cooking dinner. But honestly, those perfect lives you see are only snippets of their lives they are not the full picture. I guarantee you they have scooped some crap out of the way to take that insta moment.
Cry It Out Mama
There is no shame in sticking on a weepy film and crying that Sh*t out. Crying releases so much tension. It shows our kids that emotions are allowed so when they feel like they are having a bad day they can cry it out too. If you don’t want to cry in front of the family you can always head off for an early bath or shower. I find there is nothing better than a cry in the shower when I’m having a low moment.
Ok, we are not really going to run away although I have packed a bag before with two pairs of pants and a chocolate bar. I mean that is all you really need isn’t it? But take off for the day, send the kids to school, ask granny to take them for a while, leave them with their dad or send them on a play date. head to the spa, the beach, the library or a coffee shop and just let yourself be. Take away that mum guilt right now. there is no room for that here. – Mum guilt just robs us of experiences. You are not doing anything wrong in fact taking some time for you is super important. Topping up that teapot is like resetting your hearts on a computer game, You have to do it to keep you in the game. Remember that next time that pesky mum guilt strolls in.
In the Words of Elsa let it go, let it go.
Get out that journal, a piece of paper, or your notepad and let everything flow out onto the paper. Burn it if you don’t want others to see it, keep it to look back on at a later date or if you have some to-dos from this outpouring organise them with actions points and dates / times you can get them done you could even delegate some of the tasks to others. But let that pen and paper flow. If you are feeling brave you could blog it out too. Thats where I started many moons ago. Through the infertility years I would blog on those long sleepless nights It was cathartic and knowing my words could help others felt like I was doing something good with m pain.
Flip that mood with something fun
Turn up the Alexa, and ask her to put on a 90s dance playlist or something that would make you get up on a dance floor and get that kitchen disco started. Get outside and do some jumping on the kid’s trampoline, take the kids to the park and go on the swings or zip wire too, Or find something else that is fun to do. Let me know what you get up to.
This is hard to start with but the more you practice the easier it gets and over time it will become the default. I am a recovering pessimist as such I would lay in pity over the life I had been given, and the hardships I’d face. Yes, motherhood is hard but we always default to I’ve got to … do the washing, cook the dinner, figure everything out. If we start saying more positive phrases like “I get to feed the kids that I always wanted” instead it helps our brain feel grateful instead of overwhelmed. Try this one ” bad things always happen to me” Instead we say “I am a much stronger and resilient person from the adventures I’ve been through” ” every bad day, moments, hiccup is a learning opportunity to help me when I really need it most! Try it yourself. practice with the little negative thoughts and work up to the bigger ones.
Its not too late to say sorry
Own up, tell the people that matter that you are having a bad day. Say sorry if you are snappy or not very fun that day. Taking ownership of our bad day and apologising helps others do the same. It shows them that even mummy the best mummy in the world for your children has bad days and has to say sorry.
Bad days will come and go. Over time my hope for you is that they hold less power and you are able to see that there are more good days than bad moments.
Take care lovely,
Remember those kids love you no matter what!
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