To the one who thinks I have it together.

I feel like a fraud when you tell me who calm I seem. The truth is I’m so far from having it together.

So even though I may be chilled when I get around the corner to school that’s because I already lost my shit over the breakfast table. The kids wouldn’t eat and as we were up late I was feeling bad that I should have got up earlier. I felt bad that I had to rush them to eat breakfast but not as bad as I would have felt had I took them to school with no food.

I may look like my kids are dressed well but the truth is I forget to wash last night and the last jumper they had was covered in some kind of stain about 20 mins ago but I scrubbed it with the dishcloth and it’s actually still wet in places!

My daughter’s hair is in a French plait this morning, however, that’s because she slept in it last night!

I may look like I am ok with this twin mothering stuff but in actual fact, I’ve spent most of today in tears or shouting because I have so much going on in my life at the moment that I’m not handling anything very well.

After half term I may look like I have it together, however, I will be feeling guilty that I’ve wasted the half term anxious and upset with myself!

I will have plans on being a better mum during the 6 weeks when in reality I will be almost full term in this pregnancy and fighting against fatigue and anxiety again!

I may look like I have my shit together, look calm, but inside my head is swimming and my heart pounding and it’s all I can do some days to get my kids to school on time just so I can have a hot cuppa and not play referee for the day!

Some days I’m that late my kids run in without even saying bye, then I spend half the morning worrying about them. worrying that if something happened to me or them that I never hugged them when they went into school that morning!

So Thank you for saying I seem like the calm mum who has it together but in reality, I’m really fighting the same battle as other mums on the school run!

 

Nina x