Lately we, as a family, have been toying with the idea of having another baby.

I have two healthy children who are on a whole happy.

So why would we want another baby?

I had a planned but unwanted C Section – I have never really got over the fact that my children came out of the sunroof so to speak.  They were taken out 4 weeks before the due date according to when they were conceived.  They turned at every scan so chances are they could have turned again had they left them a bit longer.

Anyway that’s another blog post!

I never wanted children until I found someone I wanted to make a family with then we wanted a big family.

I would love to have all my grown children round for dinner with their partners.

I love the moment in the film ‘It’s Complicated’ where her children are there and they are all having dinner around the table laughing and generally having a good time!

I would love to have those mornings again bonding with my new baby, (that newborn baby smell, the little noises they make) and generally getting to know each other.

Myself and Hubby are not getting any younger and I think if we don’t try again now it’s going to be too late!

However, in order to get my body and mind free of medication, I stopped (through the doctor’s advice) taking the tablets that I was on for depression.

I have felt myself dip! I’m crying a lot more. My anxiety is off the scale. I’m scared of everything!

I’m not sure trying to get pregnant is the right thing to do!

I think I need to be happy and present within the family I have got rather than trying to extend the family.

I think I need to get my wellbeing in shape.

I love my family and want to do all I can to keep them happy and safe!

I need to learn to accept that things don’t always go as planned.

I am going to concentrate being a better mum, step mum and wife to the family I have.

Although I would rather not be back on the meds I think if it’s what is going to keep me and my family happy then it is the right thing to do!

I have been to the doctor today and talked it through with her and, for now, I’m going to try using St, Johns Wart and she has referred me back for talking therapy.

If we still decide, in the future, that we want to extend our family, then maybe we will look into other options like adoption!

But just for now I’m going to concentrate on working on a better version of myself!