I’ve got a secret. 

First of all I’m sorry if this post is a little all over the place. 

Here goes. 

Back at the beginning of the year I had such plans for my blog and vlog. 

I had even wrote up ideas in my planner. 

But then something happened. 

Something that has had me feeling ill for a while. 

Something that sent my anxiety soaring. 

Something wonderful and nerve wracking at the same time. 

Two lines

The reason I’ve been keeping it a secret is im not sure how I felt about this pregnancy. 

I feel ashamed as yes we took the decision to stop using contraception to “see what happened” 

To have J & M we had 5 years of trying followed by being pushed here there and everywhere for fertility treatments and then finally after a round of fertility drugs we had a big fat positive.   

Anyway  with morning sickness and extreme fatigue we booked for an early scan to make sure the pregnancy was valid and I joked to make sure there’s only one this time. 

The sonograper had only just turned the screen around………

F**k

F**k is exactly what I said. Then proceeded to cry. 

Yes that two sacks. Two foetus. Two heart beats!!!!

Omg not again.

Last time was so hard. 

Two more means a new car. A double pushchair. And missing out on all the things I missed out on last time because there are things I couldn’t do with 2. Like swimming, like sling carrying. Like having one to one time. Even baby massage and playgroups were an issue. 

As I said I’ve just been for my 20 week scan. And I’m still not sure it’s sunk in. 

20 weeks marks the start of my constant consultant appointments. Scans every 2 weeks. 

I’m hoping to be a little more active on my social media, blog and maybe even you tube channel. 

I’m sorry it’s taken so long to tell you where I’ve been. But it’s been hard to admit that I wasn’t over the moon especially as I know some people who follow me are struggling with infertility. 

Until next time. 

Nina x